Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Humor: Do you wonder if…? Do you ponder why…?

Apart from the most famous & unanswered issue ‘what came first – the chicken or the egg?’ here are some perplexing questions that will make you wonder & ponder, over & over :D  :D
Enjoy…


1.  Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

2.  Can you cry under water?

3.  Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?

4.  Why is it called ‘building’ when it is already ‘built’?

Humor: World May Change; Friends Will Never!


Result agar accha ho:
When you pass your exam:
Maa – Bhagwan ki kripa hai.
Mom:  Grateful to God.
Papa – Beta kiska hai.
Dad:  My son after all.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Result agar bura ho:
When you fail your exam:
Maa – Aag lage is college main.
Mom:  Your college sucks.
Papa – Laad pyar ne bigaad diya.
Dad:  Our love spoilt you.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Naukri lagne par:
When you get a job:
Maa – Apni sehat ka khyal rakhna.
Mom:  Take care of yourself.
Papa – Khoob mehnat se kaam karma.
Dad:  Work hard.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Naukri chootne par:
When you lose your job:
Maa – Naukri hi kharab thee.
Mom:  Workplace was bad.
Papa – Koi baat nahin, doosri mil jayegi.
Dad:  Don’t worry, you’ll find another.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Birthday par:
On your birthday:
Maa – Jug jug jiye mera beta.
Mom:  Wish you a long life.
Papa – Hamesha aage badhe.
Dad:  Wish you success always.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Love main fail hone per:
When you’re heartbroken in love:
Maa – Beta Bhool ja usko.
Mom:  Forget her.
Papa – Mard ban.
Dad:  Be a man.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Shaadi par:
On your wedding:
Maa – Sadaa sukhi raho.
Mom:  Wish you happy life.
Papa – Khush raho.
Dad:  Wish you happy life.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Bachha hone par:
On birth of your first baby:
Maa – Bilkul mere bete par gaya/gayi hai.
Mom:  Looks just like my son.
Papa – Khush raho.
Dad:  Blessings.
Dost – Chal daaru peete hain.
Friends:  Let’s go drink.


Moral of the story:
Moral of the story:
Duniya badal jati hai, dost kabhi nahin badalte!
World changes, but friends don’t!



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Note:  Received original in Hindi in an e-mail; just translated it!  No idea where it originated from!

Humor: Attorney-Witness Disorder in American Court!


These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. 
(Lawyers are not going to like them!)
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Humor - English as Official Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.  Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'.  This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.  There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'.  This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

Humor - The Tomato Story


A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed" he said.  "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when  you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager. "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." 

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. 

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. 
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. 
The man replied, "I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!?"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story # 1 
Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral of the story # 2   
If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral of the story # 3 
If you are reading this message on Internet, you are closer to being a office boy/girl, than a millionaire.................

P.S.:  I am closing my blogspot account and going to sell tomatoes :D

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Note:  I received this story in a forwarded e-mail.  I do not know if it's true, where it originated or who composed it!

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